Happy New Year...SURPRISE!

Happy New Year everyone!  Hope you survived the crazy, but wonderful Christmas season.  I am always a little bummed when the holidays are over.  There is so much build up and anticipation, then before you know it-it's all over!  However, I am more than happy to say goodbye to 2011...not the best year for us to say the least.  But we have hope for a wonderful 2012.  This is where the "SURPRISE" comes in- we are having a baby!  HOORAY!  Due date is August 10th, so still a long ways off.  I am very excited, but also experiencing a lot of other emotions: anxiety, relief, dread, and something I can only explain as unworthiness??

Part of me is just so relieved that we get another chance, we get to experience all the joy that we are missing with Taytam.  I know our loving Father in Heaven doesn't work this way, but I also kind of felt like maybe He wouldn't give me another chance since I had 'messed up' so badly with Taytam.  I know that's not really what happened, or how it works, but I am still working through some feelings of guilt about her passing away.  Anyway-I am also feeling dread and anxiety about what an obsessive-crazy person I am going to be once the baby is born...will I even be able to put the baby down? I haven't held a baby since Taytam-I don't trust my emotions with that.  So, I can't wait to hold my baby and just take in the feeling of their warm little body, that new baby smell.  So much to look forward too!  But I also can't imagine not watching the baby constantly to make sure he/she is still breathing, still with us.  I think that once we get passed the 2 1/2 month old mark (when Taytam died) I might be able to relax a little?  I guess we will just have to wait and see how it all goes.  There is just so many more emotions with this pregnancy and baby than I have ever experienced before.  It is pretty overwhelming.  But like I said, I am so super excited, and that emotion still wins out over all the rest!

TOFW

Time Out For Women (by Deseret Book) came to St. George! I love this kind of thing; I always feel so refreshed and renewed after hearing all the wonderful speakers. I want to be better & do better in every aspect of my life. And this year I got to enjoy it with my Mom and sister Alesha. We had a great time...maybe laughed too much? Is that possible? I just love my sister cuz she can always make me laugh & we have such a similar sense of humor-we totally get each other. We haven't really had much of a relationship for the past 8ish years due to her life style & life choices. But now she is such an amazing person that has completely turned her life around for the better. She is so brave & strong, I can't imagine going through the transformation that she has undergone. But I am so glad she did, cuz I finally have my little sister back & I love it! Love you SHMEE!!

Witch Tea Party

My cute friend Dani Jensen threw a Witch Tea Party-it was so fun! Everyone had to come dressed as a witch, some of the hats were amazing! The decor was so cute & the food was so delish! It was a great nite spent with the greatest friends!

Rachel Page & Tiffany Blanchard Elsha Gubler, Lacy Franke, & Mandy FentonBrenda Andrus, Kayla Hall & Mandy Fenton

Me, Camille Jennings, & Tiah Wright

The whole gang sitting down for dinner

All the witches together...that is Glinda the Good Witch front and center

Rachel Page, Tiah Wright, Brenda Andrus & Mindy Buchanan

The tables were so cute & totally decked out

Lacy Franke & Mandy Fenton

What a fun night-I just LOVE all these girls! Can't wait till next year!

Malibu

My good friend Michelle Kelsch & her husband own the Biggest Loser Fitness Ridge Resort in Malibu. She was super nice & took a few of us out there to stay for the weekend. It was a much needed getaway! We had such a great time-I haven't laughed that hard for years!

Here we are doing some Yoga on the beach

This was during the beach hike we did-it had some awesome views! We saw whales & dolphins.

We ate at a yummy restaurant right on the beach

We found a beached sailboat...what a great photo op! Do you like my stretchy pants pose like Nacho Libre?

One of the highlights from the trip was running into Matthew McConaughey as he was getting ready to take his kids on a run along the beach. We chatted for a minute & when asked what we were up to & we told him we were a bunch of Mormon moms on a girls trip. Not sure what he thought of that! We were all a little star struck-I think he was even hotter in person!

The whole gang from left to right: Mandy Fenton (with Emmitt), Elsha Gubler (with Mac), Kayla Hall, Dani Jensen, Michelle Kelsch (with Jada), Marisa Kendrick, Cindy Laubscher(pregnant), Lacy Franke, & Me (pregnant)

Love these girls SO much- we will be friends for life!

One of the class instructors from the Biggest Loser Fitness Ridge Resort...we had a great time shaking our booty's in his groovy class :0)

We had 3 babies along for the trip-they did so good!

We even got to take a trip to the Biggest Loser Resort where they film the TV show. It was awesome to see in person all the stuff we watch on TV each week. Very surreal.

Here we are eating...again! I don't think anyone lost any weight on this trip but we sure had a great time! Thanks a million Michelle-you're the best!

Birthday in Zions

Well, another birthday has come & gone, but at least I don't FEEL any older right? When Danny asked what I wanted for my birthday I said that I wanted to go to Zions & hike Angels Landing, then go to dinner & a movie. He agreed & we had a great day. We ate lunch at a cute little place in Springdale & the weather was perfect. Then we headed out on the hike. Let me just preface with the fact that it has been about 15 years (and 4 kids) since I have done Angels Landing & it was a lot harder than I remembered! I wanted to give up & turn back several times but Danny kept me going & it was totally worth it! The view was amazing & I had such an overwhelming sense of accomplishment. It literally felt like we were on top of the world. But the best part was so much uninterrupted time with my main squeeze ;0) We rushed home to shower & change then met some friends at the Anasazi Steakhouse-YUM! Since we had some time to kill before the movie, we went and grabbed some Krave-double YUM! Then we went and saw Robin Hood. It was a pretty good flick-Russell Crowe is always amazing. I still like the Kevin Costner Robin Hood too, they are very different versions of the Robin Hood story, so it is kinda hard to compare them. Anyway- it was an awesome day-best birthday in a LONG time. Thanks Hot Stuff for a great birthday!

BYU Womens Conference

I recently returned from the BYU Womens Conference. It was awesome of course! I get the opportunity to go each year (thanks Hot Stuff!) with my sister-in-laws. 2 of them are pictures above. Michelle is in the middle-she is married to Danny's brother Todd. Kim is on the end-she is Danny's oldest sister. Usually my sister-in-law Shannon comes too, but couldn't make it this year due to family responsiblities, i.e. her daughter had a dance recital. Oh how we missed her! This was our 4th year & the first time that one of us couldn't make it :0(
I wanted to share a few of the tidbits I learned. Plus, since this is my journal, so to speak, I wanted to record my thoughts & what I learned & the personal inspiration I felt.
It started Thursday morning with Sister Julie B. Beck-isn't she just amazing! Everytime I hear her speak I want to be better & do better. Here are a few of the highlights from her talk:
* We are only limited by our faithfulness
* The most important skill we can gain in this life is to discern & use the spirit (personal revelation)
* Mothers are the Lioness at the gate of the home. We need to guard our homes just like a Lioness would guard her cubs
* What matters to the mother happens in the home. If FHE matters to the mother-it will happen in the home. Where are our priorities & what matters to us?
*If our priorities are out of order we will lose our power
* She mentioned that when she was a young mother, and sturggling with balancing & juggling it all, she came up with a system that helped her keep her priorities in line. She made 3 lists. The first list was the Essentials (essential to eternal life & exhaltation): prayer, scripture study, temple attendance, FHE, fulfilling callings, church attendance, service, visiting teaching. The second list was the Neccesary (neccesary to sustain home & family life): cooking, cleaning, laundry, homemaking, homework. The third list was the Nice To Do: hobbies, crafts, recreation, girls nite out, lunch with friends. She promised that if we will make the Essentials our first priority then we will always have time for the Neccesary & even a few of the Nice To Do, but if we focus on the other two first, then we will never find the time for the Essentials. How profound! This was my most favorite insight of the weekend. I can't wait to implament this in my life-I think it will make a huge difference. I am embarrased to admit, but the Essential were probably the last things that I worried about doing. The Neccesary seem to run my life-leaving little time for much else. I am excited to put her ideas & promise to the test :0)
Thursday I chose several classes on scriptures & how to study them. Here are the highlights from those classes:
* Show children how to use the scriptures to solve problems or answer questions
* Keep scriptures in your car & purse-when you have a moment waiting in line at the drive up window, waiting for children etc, use that time to read the scriptures
* Patient Persistance...it takes time & effort to understand & enjoy studying the scriptures
*Are our children spiritually starving? We are the mothers-it is our responsibility to teach our children the gospel. We can't leave it up to the primary, YM/YW, or seminary. It is up to us!
* Our testimony is the greatest gift we can give our children...do they have it?
* It is thru rearing children that a mother works out her own salvation
* Repeat the scripture stories over & over until children know them by heart
* Expect more, not less, from our children & ourselves. Children can read & memorize scrpitures from a very early age. Take the time!
* A wise parent never misses a chance to teach of Christ
The thursday afternoon speaker was Sister Forste. She talked about being united in the gospel. Here are the highlights from her talk:
* We all share a testimony of the restored gospel
* We are individuals united in the gospel
* When we all come together it creates a PERFECT 10
* We need to sustain & respect each others righteous choices
* My personal revelation is only for ME! Don't push or judge others based on our own personal revelation (this was an A-ha moment for me)
* Our righteous differences can bond us together
Friday morning started with Sister Allred & Sister Thompson (from the general Relief Society Presidency) talking about all the humanitarian efforts made by the church. They showed several video clips of some of the ways our church is able to reach out & help people all around the world. It was amazing & awe-inspiring. I felt so blessed to be apart of a church that does SO much good all around the world-for member & non-members alike. My favorite quote from Sister Allred: 'We are commanded to become self-reliant so that we can help others'. My favorite quote from Sister Thompson: 'Pray to be the answer to someone's prayer'.
My first class on Friday was 'Selflessness & Sacrifice in Marriage'. Here are the highlights:
* Be united with spouse against Satan
* Selfishness gives Satan power
* Sancification allows unity
* The spirit will not reside side by side with worldly desires
The next class was 'Giving Children the Gift of Work'-this was a great class. One of the presenters was a guy I went to high school with: Hank Smith. He is a seminary & institute teacher now. Apparently he speaks all the time & even has a few CD's out. Pretty much the next John Bytheway. I went and said hi after & it was fun to catch up. He especially made my day when he said 'How come you still look 18 & I look 40?!" Oh Hank, always a charmer! :0)
* The surest way to make it hard for our children is to make it too easy
* Recogize limitations
* Have realistic expectations & give clear instructions
* Teach by working together
* Give praise & give it often! Positive reinforcement yields positive results
* Give service
* See work & the ability to do work as a blessing
* Balance work & play
* The Lord works! 'This is my WORK & my glory'
* It is not fair to judge past decisions with current knowledge (loved this-thanks Hank!)
* Successful parenting is not judged by the righteousness of our children (thanks again Hank!)
* Sweating is as much a divine command as is prayer
* D&C 59:10-we can't rest if we aren't working
* The 3 P's of Helping: Partner Up (don't push, pull or tell, work with them), Positive (consider what God could say vs. what He does say), Patient (we are growing children, not vegetables)
* Consider the difference between Good Success & Bad Success
The next class was 'An Educated Women never ceaseth to Learn', here are the highlights:
* Learn the doctrines of the kingdom-get the understanding in our lives & the lives of our children. Elder Nelson: 'Get the doctrine into our bones'
* "Getting" of the world doesn't go with us. Proverbs 4:7, D&C 130: 18-19
*John Taylor: "It is true intelligence for a woman to take a subject that is mysterious & great in itself & to unfold & simplify it so that a child can understand"
*D&C 93:36- the glory of God is intelligence
* Moses 1:11-use our spiritual eyes. The more pure we are the better our spiritual eyes will work & the more spiritual things we will see
* True knowledge-remember & understanding things we already knew in the pre-existance
* Scriptures are the source of all blessings, answers & happiness
* Act on personal revelation-heed promptings quickly
* We will not recognize big promptings if we are not listening & heeding the small ones
The final talk on friday afternoon was Elder & Sister Oaks. They were incredible! I couldnt take notes fast enough! What a wonderful spirit they brought to the conference. From Sister Oaks:
* We can make a difference only to the degree that we are different
* In the resurrection we will be a product of our choices
* Seek for an increase in spirit & avoid worldly distractions
* Counting calories vs. counting blessings
* Time & age may ravish us, but our core beliefs & knowledge of the doctrine will remain intact
* Rise above form & meet the function
Elder Oaks:
*Our world today is summed up by 'American worship of Individualism' (Selfishness, self-centered, living unto self)
* Frank Sinatra's 'I did it my way' will NOT be sung in the Celestial Kingdom
* Being a mother is a cure for our own self-centeredness
* The Lord knows our heart & the reasons we serve. Why do I serve?
* Work for a condition of less concern for self
* Obsessive concern for self is destructive (where does a "bad hair day' fit into the eternal scheme of things...besides-no one else cares!)
* Without service our spiritual growth is stunted
* It is amazing what you can get done when you aren't worried about who gets the credit
* Weak marriages are caused by putting our own needs above our spouse & family
* Marriages are al iving thing-if they are 'sick', we try to heal them, not give up on them
* Selfishness weakens family bonds
* Never forget Who you serve & Who is in charge. Trust in His words, promises & blessings
It is such an awesome experience to be there with 15,000 women who have the same concerns, hopes & fears as you do. That many women singing the hymns together is quite powerful as well! Anyway-that about covers it. Sorry if this is long & boring-or makes no sense! But I hope to never forget the things I learned & the feelings that I had. Thank heavens for Womens Conference! It is always the boost that I need to recommit to the things I know I should be doing. See ya next year!

Gymnastic Prowess

Sorry about my last post...pretty somber. But I promise to lighten things up today. In that last post I mentioned 'showing kids how to do a cartwheel'-well, here is the story that goes along with that:

One day last week, the kiddos and I were in the kitchen making granola bars (a family fav). Averee starts talking about how Alana-a girl at school-is really good at cartwheels. She says that she isn't very good at them though, so she is going to have Daddy show her how to do one when he gets home...EXCUSE ME?! I try to hide my amusement at the thought of Danny doing a cartwheel and I say 'Well, I can do a cartwheel, I will show you.' Averee looks at me like I am made of cheese & Adee says 'Huh? YOU can do a cartwheel?' At this point I am a little put out that they think so little of my athletic abilities. 'That's it! Everyone outside-I will show you a cartwheel & a dang good round-off too!'

We head outside, the kids seem pretty excited. My pride is on the line & as I stand on the thresh hold of dazzling my children with my gymnastic prowess....I start to doubt-get nervous. What if I can't do a cartwheel anymore? It has been YEARS & 4 kids since I have done one. What if I hurt myself? I glance at the kids-all lined up on the edge of the porch, ready to witness a miracle. No backing down now so I go for it...SUCCESS! The kids are shocked & excited. I do a couple more just to show off, then I pull out the big guns & do a round off. Averee was especially impressed with that one. :0) I spend the next half hour trying to help the kids do a cartwheel, then Danny gets home. The kids animatedly tell of our adventurous afternoon then Danny looks at me in disbelief and says 'YOU did a cartwheel?' Alright-it's go time! Seriously?! Does no one remember that I was a fairly decent athlete in high school? Anyway-I proceed to show off my gymnastic skills & Danny is more than impressed. Now the best part-Danny did a couple cartwheels too! Not too shabby for a couple of old married farts!

Well, hopefully the kiddos will have a little more faith in their soft, squishy mommy next time!

P.S. don't tell anyone but I did kinda hurt myself...that first cartwheel pulled something in my side. Nothing serious-it was gone by bedtime :0)

Mess after mess after mess after mess...

yup, it was one of THOSE days...you know the kind: you feel like all you do is clean up mess after mess after mess! UGH!
Owen has RE-discovered his love of water; playing in it, spilling & splashing it, experimenting with it. He has also started leaving little bowls of water all over the house for his kitty, doggie, or whatever the imaginary pet-of-the-day might be. Of course these little bowls spill, get kicked, etc. But it is just water right? To add to the excitement of the day he decided it was cool to watch the glass bowl full of mac-n-cheese spin around on the counter. Fascinating! But of course all good things must come to an end & it ended up spinning right off onto the floor & shattering EVERYWHERE! There was glass & noodles from one end of the kitchen to the other! And it was my favorite glass Pampered Chef batter bowl-the one with the handle. Used it all the time. Bummer! I surprised myself & just calmly put him in his room till I had the mess all cleaned up. Never mind that Adee was supposed to be at preschool 2 minutes ago & Reese is screaming for me to come get her out of bed. Oh the joys of motherhood, right? When I got all the glass cleaned up & it was safe for Owen to come out we had a good talk about not touching things on the counter. I was pretty calm & collected (sadly-not always the norm) I kept in mind what my BF Rachel once said "What is more important-the bowl or the child?" I love you Rachel & your constant example...
Well, the messes continued. There are always the messes to clean up after each meal and such. But the girls have really been into painting lately-which is great. I am all for letting their creativity flourish. However, paint comes with it's share of messes as well. Speaking of paint-I have been trying to get the girls room painted since Friday! What a mess! (Pictures of that project coming soon) So, to top it off-I am walking out of the girls room after applying the last (I hope) coat of paint when I notice the door to the garage is open. I investigate & what do my wondering eyes behold? A 3 year old boy showering the garage floor with his arching stream of pee! SERIOUSLY!? I yell "What are you DOING?"...he turns in surprise. Of course he can't stop mid-stream (what is that all about anyway?). I yell again "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? STOP!" He still seems surprised & bewildered. I start to realize that this was a case of mistaken room identity, & to his defense the bathroom & the door to the garage are close together & he didn't turn on the light. Danny thinks it is hilarious-but then again HE is the one who showed Owen how COOL it is to pee outside. UGH. Anyway-I get that mess cleaned up & we move on to the rest of our night without anymore major catastrophes. Dinner, showers, homework, piano, FHE, & Good Night-Thank goodness!
Despite the messes of the day, recent events have caused me to look at my day & life a little differently. I am actually struck by a sense of gratitude. I am thankful that I even have the blessing of children to clean up after. I get to be their mom & they have & will continue to teach me so much (especially patience). I am thankful that I am still here on this earth to be their mother. To not only clean up after them but to teach them, discover the world with them, nourish & nurture them, hold & love them, read to them, play with them, sing to them, tuck them in at night, comfort their fears, & show them how to do a cartwheel (that is a whole other story). I am also SO thankful Danny is still here on this earth to do it all with me. To help me be better & want to do better. To laugh with me & cry with me. To be my everything...what would we do without our families?
Recent event have also caused me to ponder my life & ask myself some questions. Do you ever feel so blessed & so lucky that it makes you feel a little guilty? I mean seriously...my life is so blessed & easy it is a little ridiculous sometimes. It may sound cliche but I truly mean it. Why do I have it so good while so many others are struggling so badly? Is it because I am weak & the Lord knows I can't handle much else? Are my trials coming later? Will I be able to handle them or will they be so hard that they break me? Will I handle them as well as the people suffering around me have? Am I doing everything that the Lord would have me do? What can I do better? How can I be better? Who can I help and serve? Am I sufficiently preparing myself & my family for what lies ahead? What does the future hold for me, my friends, my family?
It is interesting to me how the death of someone else (even someone we don't know that well) can make us take stock of our lives. To see things with more of an eternal perspective. The recent deaths around me have made me a better person & made me want to be a better person, mother, friend, sister, daughter, a better child of our Heavenly Father. So, to Ryan MacPherson, Sara Baker, & Kathy Graf-thank you for your examples & the opportunity to remember what matters most & to never take it for granted. You will be missed...

One HOT Mama!

Okay, so any of you that have known me for very long, know that my hair has pretty much been the same since high school. I have had a few changes here & there-but for the most part it has always been long & straight. Well, I had been thinking lately that I needed a change-a BIG one! But I couldn't decide what to do...then I saw a special hair episode of Oprah & realized that was it! I needed to go short! Luckily, one of my best friends is a beautician extraordinaire & she hooked me up! I think she was more nervous than I was to cut that much hair! I love you Christan! I was a little bummed that since I have highlights I couldn't donate all that hair to Locks of Love-but oh well. It's the thought that counts, right? Anyway, I am so happy with the results-I look like one HOT mama! Now I am just wondering why I didn't do it sooner? Danny was super supportive, he has always said to do what I want as long as I don't cut it short like a boy. Plus, he thought it was fun to go to bed with a "stranger" last nite- he he he! :0)